Photo by Max Talbot-Minkin, used under Creative Commons licence.

Most of us find it exciting to watch other people succeed. Then, when it comes to parenting, we forget about it, or we imagine that focussing on praise will spoil our children.

Really, the opposite is the case.

We need to help children develop a positive  ‘success mentality’ – and hearing criticism of all the things they did wrong won’t motivate them to try harder and do better. That’s not how it works.

Children need to be applauded when they do well

Children need to be recognised. They need to be applauded when they do well. I would even say that sometimes you need to ignore their bad behaviour.. In other words, you don’t pay too much attention to that. That’s not where the focus needs to be.

Don’t let them see that they’ve affected you with the bad behaviour, but applaud them when they do well. Do that, and sooner or later, they’ll do well all the time. It’s a natural thing, a natural progression: it’s how our minds work.

Where things can go wrong for children and young people is if they feel that they are surrounded by nay-sayers. I think children need to be rewarded for good things.

So if you’re a parent, think about the interractions you have with your child and how many of those are based around negativity and the word ‘no’. So many parents only interact with their child when they’re doing wrong. They should interact with them when they’re doing right as well.

When children do great – tell them they’re great!

When they do a great thing, tell them they’re great, and they’ll aspire to do more. Recognition and promotion and documentation saying that ‘you’re doing well’ are great thing. That’s how we unleash the power of ‘yes’ in young people’s lives.

This is why children in our classes are given small, obtainable goals. Every three months they do a testing, and they can move up the ranks. They can appreciate that they’re growing in the martial arts, and so can their parents. They can feel rewarded and know that the good they’ve done has been marked and celebrated.