Ever made a big mistake? A real miscalculation that sets you back a long way, and makes you question your judgement?  

Right there, in the middle of the pain and anger with yourself that you feel, is a big opportunity to learn.

Twenty-five years ago, I was working hard to build up my business, Panther Taekwondo Black Belt Academy. Things were going well. Then I went to Jamaica for a very long-awaited holiday. This is when I made a mistake which turned out to be very painful and a valuable lesson to me.

There was a young man in my class who I’d trained up to black belt standard. I’d literally taken him off the streets; he’d made some real changes in his life as a result of being involved in the class. I was proud of the difference in him and I thought – I still think – that he was proud of it too.  He’d turned himself around.

Unfortunately, when I went away, he opened a club about a mile down the road, also called Panther Taekwondo, and told the students that my classes wouldn’t be continuing because I wouldn’t be coming back from Jamaica.  So the class numbers fell very steeply. 

My only control of the situation was over how I reacted

When I came back and found out what had been going on, I was very hurt and angry. But I tried to have a philosophy that those students that left and went to him were meant to go to him, accept what had happened and move on from it.

It was a very tough time – and the worst part of all was how much I blamed myself. I felt I should have had a better understanding of the guy, and of the situation. But we don’t control others.  Our only control of a situation like that is over how we react – and I did manage to successfully control my reaction, and not get bogged down in rage or looking back over the incident. That can be a temptation – but however long you look back, you’re never going to see anything different. It happened. Look forward.

That was the big painful lesson – but it’s an important one and I try to teach it to my students now. Let your mistakes go. Release the anger, and keep the lesson. There will come a day when it’s going to be useful to you.