Photo by Panther Taekwondo Black Belt Academy.

Working for a positive reward is a basic part of human motivation: I do it, you do it, everyone does it.  And I think we ought to encourage that way of thinking in children too.

Too often, I believe adults have a mindset of ‘no!’  They’re teaching children that it’s bad to ask, it’s bad to want, and that sense in children of wanting and aspiring shouldn’t be something we encourage. But I think there’s a risk when children keep hearing ‘no’: instead of learning the lesson we intend for them, instead we just give them a lot of discouragement.  

I believe in doing them opposite; in giving them positive encouragement.  I think we should take every opportunity to say ‘yes!’ – but link it to the positive action you want the child or the young person to take.  We should encourage children; we should tell them that they can.

We should always teach our children that they CAN

So when we hear: “mum, dad, can I have a bike? Can I have this, can I have that?”, for me the first first answer should be, “yes… if you do this.”

You can have a new bike if you get on with your homework and finish it every day and get good results in school. If you do well, you can have the thing you really want. Working hard for it will teach you its value. You’re learning that you need to strive for the things you’d like, but that they aren’t beyond your grasp. You  can earn them with hard work. That’s an immensely valuable life lesson.  

‘Yes’ should be the answer, as many times as possible.  I think children need to be encouraged, and the word ‘yes’ should be used more. I try and do that as much as I can in my classes. I’ve really seen the difference it makes.